hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
