Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
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You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
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And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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