i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
