i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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