I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
