I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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