after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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