my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
