So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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