He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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