My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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