I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
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