The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Randomize
