in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We have so much sex to catch up on
sex in a hospital.. check
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
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