his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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