I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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