My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I wish there were birth control emojis
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
