Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
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I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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