Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
