I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
