Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
