"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
