I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
