I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
