I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
farters have to be the big spoon...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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