It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
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Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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