Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
