i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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