Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
