my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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