I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
