Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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