i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
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