She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
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I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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