Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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