I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
