He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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