i permit you to call me
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
