Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
