walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
