Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
