i just wanna soil my oats bro
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
