i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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