In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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