I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
