so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
