Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
