I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
