i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize