I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
