Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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