Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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