I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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