i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
