He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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