i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
